Since my last post, I've fallen more deeply in love with my second-born. A strong-willed child that was very hard for me to love the first two years of his life. I can almost hear the gasp exiting your mouth right now as you read that sentence. But how are we to let God heal us if we're not honest with Him? And how is He to use us to touch others if we're pretending everything's okay when, clearly, they are not? So, since I know without a doubt that there are other moms and dads who've struggled to love or even like a child, I come to you with painful honesty. And I'm here to tell you - you're not alone and God IS Faithful and True and will answer your cry for help. You need only ask Him.
It took me awhile to see all the wonderful qualities in my incredibly frustrating child. And I felt horribly guilty because I didn't just adore my own child like I was "supposed" to. (Funny how society is very quick to tell us what to do, but falls woefully short of solutions to accomplish those insurmountable tasks, isn't it?) I'll just set you free from that load of bondage right now. Guilt is a tool from the pit of hell and Satan will use it against you in a mighty way - if you let him. Yes, I said let him. Satan has no power over a believer that we haven't first given him. (2 Corinthians 10:2-5)
I prayed for the first two years of my little one's life for God to change him. I knew I couldn't deal with a child "like that" for the rest of my life. I knew I would end up in the psychiatric ward at the local hospital. But then, through a wonderful message by a faithful member of our church, God revealed something to me. My son wasn't changing and I was just beating my head against a wall for nothing. God had answered my prayers and I hadn't even noticed. The answer was "No, child - this is for your good." And it is. God is changing me. And I am learning to accept the things that aren't changing and get my strength from the Lord.
That's change you can count on! God NEVER lets you down.
